Burdens

9/18/07

Burdens
I have the tendency to attempt to carry burdens that are too heavy for me. I say that I just attempt to carry them because I can not; I struggle with the heavy load trying to place it on my shoulders, but after two o three steps I just can’t keep going. Time is spent in planning how to deal with the big load and frustration comes after realizing I was not able to. When this happens I usually end in the same position I started but time and effort have been consumed and frustration is the only outcome present.

The need I see in Riobamba is overwhelming… I should say the need of Christ is overwhelming always and everywhere. Every day is bigger, every year this world goes deeper into its destiny. The system we live in is speeding into the chaos of his ruler; the Prince of this world; who knows well his time has been limited. In the middle of this we see souls – precious souls – suffering in pain, covered with darkness and lost…. What causes me more pain is to see that many of these souls are inside the Church.

What is happening that the Church is loosing her relevance before the eyes of the people? I admit the system is powerful; I can see its corruption and deceive being poured into all levels of society; from the family to the governments; but where is the power of the people of God to be the light and salt of this world? I see the Church is becoming the messenger of a message we look to adorn our lives; make them prettier, happier, and easier; instead of being the messenger of a message that changes our lives. I’m afraid the message of Christ and His redeeming sacrifice and power to change us is getting lost under many good sermons, and even more good desires to see the Christians succeed in this world instead of succeeding in the next one; in the eternal one… and while this happens many souls are lost in the Church, looking for emotions and ‘quick fixes’ for their sins that oppress them in a vicious cycle; but they are not willing to deal with the desires that provoke them to sin; or even worst, they are not hearing the message of the real source of freedom… the system has get to pour its corruption and deceive even inside the Church weakening her through her ministers and pastors who fall victims of this system through getting captives in the suffering and testing of financial needs and lack of laborers; or through getting captives in the comfort of the ‘status quo’ of the system; preaching what sounds good and makes feel good. Success or failure of the Church in the eyes and the premises of the system is what brings this prison of pain of comfort to the congregations… both of them are deadly.

I have to say I have seen both. I also have to say I’m now serving in a Church that is being oppressed by need and lack of laborers. I have seen the heart of Pastor Rene and I know how much has been sacrificed by him and his family; I respect him greatly as a servant of God; but I also feel there is a prison covering his congregation and his efforts to teach about the Kingdom of God.

When I see this need I try – consciously and unconsciously – to put that burden on myself in an attempt to change the Church… at least one; and even one is an impossible load for me. The One who changes is Christ and what I need is to make space for Him so He can come and change what needs to be changed… but I confess many times I have try to produce that change myself… you can imagine the outcome.

I guess there are three reasons for my tendency; the first one would be pride; the second one would be a recognized performing orientation I’m fighting with; and the third one would be just mere stupidity (I’m trying to fight with that one too). In any case trying to play the role of the Holy Spirit and taking burdens that are not mine on me represents disobedience; and disobedience is a sin. As any other sin it takes away our peace; our clarity; our joy for the ministry; and demands confession and repentance.

After few days of no peace and feeling “burned”; last Sunday morning during the worship I was finally able to pour out my heart by the grace of God before His throne. In doing so He received my repented heart and lift up my burden reminding me that He is the One who changes; He is the Groom of His Church and - as I allow Him my heart, hands and mouth to be His – He will use them to make space for Himself and bring His presence who is powerful and sufficient to bring change and make everything new. I don’t need to know the ‘how’ He is going to make this change; I just need to trust and labor in hope; I just need to be available and faithful in prayer, reflecting at all times His character to others.

I’m happy to realize how my peace has come back and how now I’m able to see that when I stepped out of His way, He started doing something new in the congregation of Pastor Rene who tells me every day how He is feeling a spirit of encouragement in the people; how real repentance is being renewed among the members of the Church; how old members are coming back; how attendance is increasing and how even the financial situation of the Church is improving… as Pastor Rene is exited I just listen while my heart smiles… I hear the voice of our Savior reminding me “…take my yoke and give me yours…for my yoke is easy and my burden is light”

"...and he rode into the nigth"

9/16/07

“…and he rode into the night”
“… and he rode into the night…” A dear friend of mine wrote this expression to me in an e-mail not long ago. After enjoying the creativity and the context he used with it; he really made me meditate about that ‘romantic’ line that usually ends an adventure leaving in the air the promise of another one. It’s almost a peaceful ‘to be continued…’ that we receive without the disappointment of a story that is broken just in the most interesting part. The expression it’s an end connected with a new beginning, which receives its romanticism as much as from the taste and testimony of the adventure that is just ending; as from the unknown destiny that lays ahead, full of hope and expectations.

Well, this somehow explains a little bit what I have been feeling these last weeks as I “rode” into the “night” of the uncertain, still tasting the testimony of ended trips; still encouraged by the new and old friends I share with in those adventures; still strengthen by the One who is the beginning and the end, the One who rides with me all the time. I came into the uncertain destiny of Ecuador enriched with the experiences of my trips to India and China.

I have to admit this is not really romantic for me, but there is a perspective I recognize and receive. It’s a process; a progress in the mission that God is calling His people to live. As the man who rode into the night is more confident each time he finishes an adventure because of the vivid experience and lessons he learned; he is also less afraid to engage in a new story even if he knows very little about what is ahead. This man matures and is able to adapt better each time he is in this gap where leaving and receiving is required. The key word here is trust; since this man is able to trust in the future because he trusted in the past.

In the same way I feel God is ‘expanding’ my ability to trust. The first time I went o a trip to India there were a team and a plan; a team of people I knew well who had the same plan I did; a plan that was establish and clear. The next time I went on a trip to China there was no team but a plan. I went alone to meet people in the field who provided a plan for me while I was there. Both experiences were great but very different; the second one required to trust more than the first one. Now I came on a trip where there is no team and no plan… just God. I’m grateful He allowed me the grace to obey, the lesson He is teaching me is invisible, deep, and powerful. I’m riding on His grace and purpose; He is the past, the present and the future; He is the Morning Star after the night; He is the ‘to be continued’; He is the beginning and the end. As His Word states; “everything is for good for those who are in Christ Jesus…”

Invitation to preach:

09/11/07

Invitation to preach:
There are many ways to speak before an audience; there are many purposes we can have and many styles we can use to stand before a group or people with the challenge of communicate something. In every occasion we may face a mixture of fear, anticipation, excitement and even passion; or we can also fall into the deceiving trap of pride; self concern; excessive criticism; doubt or over confidence. Let’s say that speaking in public can bring pain or satisfaction; can become an amazing opportunity to influence and build up others and ourselves, or an opportunity to build both of us down. Speaking in public can become a great blessing or a great tragedy for us and for the people who is listening.

As creatures created to have communion with God and between each other we long to communicate in many ways; many levels; many circumstances; but preaching is unique.

In my life I have had the opportunity to speak in business matters; to facilitate trainings and couple toasts in weddings; to give reports in different circumstances; to help as emcee in different meetings and lastly I have been able to teach the Bible in Sunday school… but preaching is definitely unique!

I was invited to preach last Sunday in “Comunidad Cristiana de Riobamba” Pastor Rene asked me to share in the main service and he even gave me a hint about the message telling me September is the month of Hope in the congregation. I accepted the invitation trusting the Holy Spirit to guide me and teach me, but from the beginning I knew this time would be different since I was not really given a context to share about; there were not a passage or something specific to start with… just the Lord and me asking Him for the message He wanted to share.

Freedom does not mean doing what we want (this is a good principle); freedom means being completely able to do what God wants us to do. I was free to preach about any subject but it did not mean I had to preach about something I knew well about or something I liked or even though it was relevant for the occasion… it did mean I was able to preach what the Lord wanted to preach. Sounds easy but I ended being a little more complicated for me.

I was praying in the afternoon on Saturday and by 7 PM I was exhausted, some ideas about hope where written down but somehow I knew it was not right; that was not the message and I was frustrated and tired. I was also feeling a little bit guilty of not being able to have the message ready. I left to visit some relatives planning to come back early to finish the sermon but I came back later than I though and after some time I found myself still frustrated unable to produce a sermon. I prayed begging the Lord to forgive me for trying to do it by myself and for my anxiety; and I went to bed with nothing ready. My night was not the best since my subconscious was still fighting and calling out my irresponsibility.

Around 5:30 AM the Lord showed up and waked me up to work… after praying I just could be amazed to see how God started to develop a message that was blessing me as I was writing it down. Around 8:30 AM it was done and at 9:30 AM was delivered at the main service of the Church. God is faithful. Preaching is really stepping up to say what the Lord wants to say, not us. I see how the Lord backs up His Word before men… it’s His Word, not ours what is powerful to change the heart; and His Word comes in His time.

During the preaching I experienced the blessing of being a vessel; a real one. I know we are always in God’s hands and He uses us in ways we can’t always realize; but the feeling of being filled with a message of God that is inside us before preaching and the sense and certainty of knowing we did not produced that message is amazing. A vessel that has been filled inside and is just waiting for the right time to spread out its content directly into the hearts of people… that humbles me and make me realize how great is the honor God gives his servants to speak His word… “I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdom, to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant”.

Comunidad Cristiana (Christian Community in Riobamba):

09/08/07

“Comunidad Cristiana” (Christian Community in Riobamba):
I arrived last Wednesday to Riobamba and the same night I was invited by Rene Fiallos, pastor of “Comunidad Cristiana” of Riobamba, to share in his mid-week service about my mission trip to India. I have known Rene for some years since the Lord has used us to share some blessings between Houston and Ecuador. Many people seemed to recognize me and I was very surprised when I was introduced not just as a missionary but as one of the missionaries the congregation has been praying for since my first trip to India. The group of youth has even made a short video with some pictures I sent Pastor Rene years ago; I was about to give a report of the mission to India before a congregation that had been supporting me in prayer!

After the report the congregation welcomed me as part of them; as a missionary who will be serving with them for the next few weeks… it was like being welcomed in a new job. God has a way to show us His faithfulness; in changes when we are still worried about our purpose and our time; about the place to serve and about what to do… He shows up and we realize that everything has been taken care of; God took care of everything before you can even ask for it. My heart is grateful.

A later conversation with Pastor Rene helped us to coordinate my schedule for the next weeks. I was invited to preach in specific dates; to help in one new “celula” or small group with several families; to help developing the plan for an evangelistic concert focused for young people the last week of October; and to support the pastor with some visits and counseling… not bad! I was put in charge of creating a plan to train and teach the youth of the Church, ministering to them and preparing them for the evangelistic concert. This plan will include a small retreat and classes on Saturdays, Sundays and couple Mondays training members of the Church to share the Gospel.

Pastor Rene also introduced me an American Missionary named Christopher who has a vision to serve the pastors in the city… the vision is very similar to the vision of Mission Houston; so I’ll also give one day per week to help Christopher in his purpose. Finally, I can see the need of learning more about Christ in my father and various friends and people I’m related to… I’m just praying God will allow another small group to start under the covering of Pastor Rene. God will help me to be a good steward of the time He has established for me to be here… I can’t complain about being bored but I need to be careful and wise about what I commit to. There are many good things to do and the need of Christ is great but I know God wants me to focus my strength in one or two things He is doing and He wants me to join in. I have seen – and experienced – occasions when ministry and ‘doing things for God’ become idols; we serve them and, even having the right motivation, we loose perspective, we fail forgetting the bigger picture… as a good friend of mine says; ‘we love the work of the Lord instead of loving the Lord of the work’… Jesus is the right and everlasting model; He did just what the Father showed Him. I hope to keep the right heart; the one that loves the Lord and listens for His guidance in every step of the road.

Another great testimony is about His provision for transportation and communications. During the first week in Riobamba, a good friend of mine gave me his second car (a Volkswagen Beatle 1975) allowing me to use it during my time of permanence in Riobamba; (it’s a missionary on a classic!). In the same way a cell phone has been provided to me to be used during these weeks. God is great; He is faithful in all our needs; He is wise and a trustful confidence in all our desires!

There is a spiritual principle I’m learning; it’s like fresh water being poured in inside of my heart; it’s soft and refreshing. It’s like the known whisper of God making real something I have read, prayed and believed… but now is becoming experience; the Word being made flesh; the Word saying: 'Trust me Marcos, trust me. Let me lead… when you let me lead I fulfill my purpose, I provide for your needs, and I satisfy your soul'.

Recognizing Quito:

09/04/07

Recognizing Quito:
I have spent the last 3 days in Quito, the capital city of Ecuador where I studied the last 3 years of my high school. Many memories are still living in these busy streets almost completely covered of small businesses and tiny stores of anything able to make you take one dollar or less out of your pocket into the tight economy of a family who has sacrificed their living room to create provide another source of income to the household.

Five years have passed after big changes in the economy of Ecuador when our native currency passed away to adopt the US dollar as own. It seems the country is doing better; the streets are full of new cars of tiny models that make me think in Europe; it seems the city has grown and I can see many new constructions and especially new giant shopping centers built as temples to consumerism; but I still wonder about the hearts of the people whose faces seems to yell at me “I don’t care, I’m trying to survive myself…” It’s sad; it seems people really don’t care about each other and about anything other than surviving financially… those may be the scars of five years of striving and fighting to endure this hard and never-ending social, political and financial crisis.

I’m asking God to reveal me about the spiritual realities of my country and I have been reading and meditating about our history as country. So far two words are in my mind about my land: oppression and rebellion… my country is a rebel country that has been oppressed for many centuries; oppressed by the Incas that came from the south; oppressed by the Spaniards that came from Europe; oppressed by the first governments from foreign military after the independence; and oppressed since then by our own authorities who – by their majority over the years - have also been saying “I don’t care, I’m thinking only about myself”
Oppression brings rebellion; and rebellion produces bitterness compromising justice, righteousness, and truth. Hearts are deceived and hardened.

My people is reaping what have been sawed over generations; is judging just to be judged in the same way; is looking for an identity almost forgotten under the oppression; is choosing what is convenient instead of what is righteous; is laboring to receive no profit; my people is rebelling; is coursing our governments and our destinies; is blinding our eyes to make ourselves incapable to discern what is right and wrong suppressing moral values; incapable of choosing good authorities. Even our independence of Spain came out of rebellion inspired in the French Revolution; social, politic and spiritual rebellion… We are living our independence with our eyes blinded.

Freedom is required; the freedom based in righteousness and reconciliation with the Supreme Authority; the freedom of Christ.

As I keep walking in the land I keep praying for more revelation and discernment to pray for my country. After all I hold hope deep in my heart because I see also the Kingdom of God growing in my native Ecuador… there are more Christian Churches than I imagined and I hear about powerful testimonies about the grace and love of our Sovereign God… I’m looking forward to serve the Body of Christ in this country for the time God has established for me to be here; I pray for revelation to the Ecuadorian Church, for unity and God’s presence in her. My heart is still in the nations and Ecuador is one of them… May Houston pray for Ecuador and Ecuador for Houston!

Tomorrow I leave to Riobamba taking another step deeper into God’s purpose for my trip. I’m excited, leaving consciously my heart and my destiny into God’s hands… “Teach me your way oh Lord and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart so I’ll fear your Name”

Jumping out of Miami:

09/01/07

Jumping out of Miami:
“Be still and acknowledge I am God” says the Lord.

The time has come to leave US from Miami and I’m glad I came this way.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to speak about missions with a ‘house Church’ in south Miami; what a great group! As I was presented as the missionary I was able to meditate again in my identity and I could do no other thing than be glad and grateful, not because I had anything to boast of, but because of the grace of God giving me the many opportunities to engage in His Mission. I told them about India and China… I felt their hearts open and receiving the message… I answered questions and we prayed together asking God to lit the light His Mission among them. I was richly blessed and commissioned by these brothers and sisters from different cultures and backgrounds; Anglo, Hispanic, European, Caribbean… who had among them the love and reconciliation of God; reconciliation not only with the Creator but also between cultures and ethnic groups. For God be the glory!

In the personal realm, I have been having few dreams that have been more disturbing than anything; I guess they just reflect the fears within the heart; and they may also be a warning… a sign saying “curve ahead, be careful”. The time to stand up in faith may include some trials and testing; God is my helper. I have also to admit that I’m eager to connect with what is next; to finish this shifting and engage the next step. Being ‘in between’ may be the hardest thing now for me.

I’m praying to keep the expectations of my presence in Ecuador in the hands of God alone; for me and for my family and friends in there. I’m asking God to show me clearly what are the 2 or 3 things He wants me to be focus in while I’m the country. I’m waiting and waiting to be shown of this… “The son does only what the Father shows Him… and the Father shows Him everything because He loves the son”

Context:

8/28/07

Context:
I don’t exactly know when I started writing, or better say, when I started noticing the pleasure of writing and how much better I can express myself and see my heart flowing when I write. I don’t know when this started but I know it developed and explode when I met Jesus Christ in personal basis and I started writing to God (and from God to my heart). Through Him - I noticed - I was writing to the vastest audience of readers; from the dearest and closest ones like my daughter Alexa to the yet unknown ones who are not with me right now in the same place and time, but somehow are not distant; and by the grace given to me are also loved. It’s the same if you read these words years after I wrote them; the love and togetherness are still the same.

The time has come to make this writings more public since circumstances have helped me to realize how much love I have received and how many people are the vessels carrying this love to me. I want to share this love with them; I want to be reciprocal; I want to share this love with you today.

I think I have to mention the circumstances since these are the frame of this beginning; and this beginning is about freedom and about yielding and about surrendering the heart to God who is always in control of everything.

The facts: I just turned 36 years old, not married, and after being an immigrant in USA for the last 5 years I felt this summer I finally was arriving at a place of stability in many senses; especially the one related with finances and security after walking a long way of allowing God to reshape my dreams and purposes in life. Almost 2 weeks ago I got news that changed that perception in me: the application for my permanent residency was denied by US Immigration; and following my best understanding of God’s principles; I honor God and US decision by leaving the country.

In just few days I have faced a shocking change in many senses, I have given most of my material possessions away and turn my feet into a direction I have not been very excited to follow because of fears and personal preferences. Letting go is easy to say but hard to do; and God knows exactly what is that we are holding on. I’m sure the surrendering process is the main goal of all of this… Is God enough to satisfy me? Is really able to do it when part of my heart cries ‘I’m not willing!’ and the other part – the good one – prays ‘I trust you!’? For sure, faith is required and also tested; and taking steps of faith implies walking by paths that are clouded where sight is not really helpful.

In the other side of this situation there is love; an overwhelming love; as God’s states in His word is an “unfailing love” given by many dear brothers and sisters who have walked with me for a while. I’m convinced that this is God’s way to send encouragement and bring comfort during the times we feel alone and afraid of the future. This writing – as I mentioned – is the response to that love; a way to communicate with all of those givers of love; a way to update the situation of my heart and the reality of circumstances around me. Fellowship is a great lesson for me in all of this.

It’s important to mention before finishing this “framing” that before leaving two things present in my heart: the first one is the deep conviction of purpose in this trip and the second one is my desire to come back. The first one requires obedience and the second surrendering; the first demands action and the second faith. Out of the love I have received hope to come back since dear friends and co-workers have expressed their desire to sponsor me in a new process to be presented to immigration; this time it will be pursuing a status based in my real identity; a servant of God… Who knows, this one may be only another mission trip - a very especial one - after which the one who is sent will be able to speak with a new voice; to see with a new vision; to be established in a better port to sail the world.